one two three fourrrrnication!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
