Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
