Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
