Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
