I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
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doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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