Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
