I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
