You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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