do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
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history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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