It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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