first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
