Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
