Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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