I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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