I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
