it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
