I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize