As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
