I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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