I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize