Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize