She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
