Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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