i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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