I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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