Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
