Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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