if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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