I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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