Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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