I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
