She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
