Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
