when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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