come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one