I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN