im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.