its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete