hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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