I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
