You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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