a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
