id be glad to
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
