If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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