But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
why is half of my head shaved?
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