I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
