i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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