Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
