And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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