Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
