Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
