I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
