I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
