I must be too annoying 4 u.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
