im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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