So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
