this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
