party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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