Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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