remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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