I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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