WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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