Say something about gay babies.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
