You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
