she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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