Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
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My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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