i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
