that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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