You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
