Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
