Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
