is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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