the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
