He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
