New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
